Prodigal Me?

I’ve been reading the New Testament of the Bible as part of a dare that our Pastor made to our congregation last month. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6m-9UucxDrA&t=80s
Pastor Brandon challenged us to read the entire New Testament in 100 days.  This guided reading is how I stumbled back upon the parable of the prodigal son. The parable is found in Luke 15.


The parable of the prodigal son is one of my favorites. Different seasons of my life have offered fresh harvests of insight.  Lately, the thought “I am the prodigal daughter” has played in a loop through my mind.  I was the prodigal daughter in the past. In my late teens, I wandered off course, led by a broken heart. Once I was back in the Way, my relationship with Christ healed my brokenness and set my feet on a sure path.


How is it, then, that a little over twenty years later I am again pondering life as the prodigal daughter? Hadn’t I made it past that point? The specific verse that got me thinking was verse 13. “Not long after that (after asking his dad to give him his inheritance) the younger son got together all he had and set off for a distant country and there squandered his wealth in wild living.”


The prodigal son had to leave his father’s house to make these choices.  He was no longer under his father’s protection even though he was still his father’s son. When I purposefully make choices that are outside of God’s plan I open myself up to consequences that could be avoided by simply staying close to my heavenly Father.

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        I am the prodigal daughter when I spend all my money on frivolousness and don’t honor God with my tithe.

·         I am the prodigal daughter when I go my own way, when I chronically and consistently desert my family for my own pursuits. I have been entrusted with this gift of family, and when I don’t take care of my gift, I am not honoring God.

·         I am the prodigal daughter when I wear myself out and don’t enter into a Sabbath rest.

·         I am the prodigal daughter returned and welcomed by my Father, when I realize how empty I am and how much I still need him 20 years later. 

After I wrote those words, I began to think about the older brother from the story, the one who stayed with his father and became jealous and angry at how extravagantly his father’s love was expressed when his younger brother came home.

·         I am the older sister who stayed with my father when I shake my head in contempt at my sister’s poor choices instead of watching with my Father for her to come home.

·         I am the older sister when I pridefully look at my life and believe that my loyalty and positive choices make me righteous.

·         I am the older sister when I resent my younger sister being blessed and lose sight of the fact that I am offered the same lavish love as she.

·         I am the older sister when I compare myself to my younger sister and envy her new position. For envy rots the bones (Proverbs 14:30)

Envy (also) leads to jealousy

Jealousy leads to hate.

Hate leads to anger.

And anger leads to the Dark Side.

                  ---Yoda, Star Wars Episode I

You Have Permission to Fail--Me.

The other day I was going through my notepad app on my phone.  I was trying to come up with a blog post since it's been months since I've last written anything.  When I go for walks, sometimes I am struck with what I think are profound thoughts that I then talk-to-text into the app.

There was an thought about giving a person permission to fail. In this day and age we are constantly bombarded by perceived perfection.  Perfect family pictures, exotic vacations, mouthwatering dinners, group shots showing friends having a good time when my invitation seemed to have been misplaced. I've watched and attempted hair tutorials and come up short.

I try my best to be authentic in my posts.  Perhaps you've read my post from 2015 called My Not so Thankful Thanksgiving. My transparency shows my failure and how I've learned from it.  My plan was to expound on our perceived short comings and encourage people to lighten up on themselves.

As I began to work on that idea more, I was struck with a deeper message.  What if I gave people permission to fail me? What if I made a conscious decision to offer people the same grace God graciously gave me through his Son, Jesus Christ? Simply giving it to them without being asked or apologized to.

What does that look like? What does that feel like? Why on earth would we set ourselves up to allow people to let us down?

It means, even if I'm not invited out somewhere, it's not the end of my world.  I recently had a good friend go to a women's event (that I was invited to last year) with a  group of friends she's close with. In that group we have a few mutual friends.  I wasn't asked to go.  It stung for a second, but I didn't let it wound me.  I understand in group settings like that sometimes your best friends isn't in charge of the guest list, and that's ok.

My husband used to tell me wen we were first married that he "would let me down, but Jesus never would." Al Barz was true to his word.  His redirection to Jesus was annoying at the time, but as I matured in my faith, its truth was freeing.  I am not looking to people for my emotional stability because my stability comes from my relationship with my Savior.

Plans are going to fall through, kids are going to break stuff, coaches are going to not play your son, people will cut you off in traffic and that's ok. What's not ok is an attitude that "I am more worthy of grace than the people annoying me." By not forgiving quickly, but keeping a record of perceived wrong, we are saying we are more important that the other person. If we call ourselves Christians and can't seem to move above, around or through issues, we've missed the point of God's grace in our lives.

Does that mean that we stay in situations where we are treated poorly? No! Certainly not. If our "friends" are only available on their terms, that's not a healthy friendship.  However, if we have friends that haven't reached out to us in a while, let's not count how many months since we've last talked and instead pick up the phone and let's reach out to them.  I know it's hard to be the one doing the reaching, but I also know that the person you may not have talked to in a while may be going throughs some hard situations.

Let's love people where they are and stop making them come to us all the time.

The group I love the most and the hardest. Thanksgiving 2017.

Lessons From The Garden

Have you ever caught a glimpse of God in the mundane? I’ve discovered that’s quite often where I find Him. One particular day it happened while I was weeding my strawberry beds. 

Our weather had finally started to warm up and as a result, trees, shrubs and grass that had been dormant for months had started to wake up.  Weeds appeared out of nowhere and I wanted to take care of them before they got out of hand.

A few weeks prior I had likened marriages to gardens at my Bible study group.  As wise wives I feel we should take care to tend/nurture our relationships. I encouraged those in my group to:

Tend your gardens. Plenty of ladies would love to work your ground. Plenty of weeds choke our energy and passion for our loves. Use words that nurture, like water on parched ground. Forgive often, tilling the ground to prepare it for new growth. Have a sense of humor. Laughter is good for the soul just like sunshine is vital for photosynthesis. Tend your garden because it’s a precious gift.

When my garden gets out of hand.

 As my hands were in the dirt my analogy came back to me. It began to unfold and apply to so much more than my marriage. Four main points came to my heart: boundaries, kinds of weeds, tools and regular maintenance.

Boundaries

It’s important to have good boundaries in our gardens; without them, the grass creeps in.  This is so evident in my strawberry beds.  One of my raised beds has imploded since my many children have used it as a balance beam allowing the Bermuda grass to march in. Grass growing where it’s not welcome can be overwhelming, hard to remove, and it spreads quickly.

My broken down bed.

This is also true in our spiritual life.  Boundaries help keep enemies out of our space.  A big threat to our spaces is the secular culture we live in. As Christians we’re not supposed to be “like” everyone else. Romans 12:2 encourages me to “not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.”

I help to shape the culture of my home. In my entryway I have scriptures posted. Philippians 4:8 has always been one of my favorites, “Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is

excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.”   What we think about has a way of soaking into our hearts. I love that verse so much because it reminds me of my own dad and all the times he would admonish me to “guard my heart.” When I was 17 I didn’t realize he was covering me with Proverbs 4:23. “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” Now I understand what he was telling me and because of that I try to humbly and authentically walk out my faith in full view of my children, telling them, “The Bible says this,” and “God wants us to be that.” I’m usually answered with a chorus of eye rolls, but that’s ok because I’m planting seeds of my own in their hearts.

Kinds of Weeds

Showing my guys where strawberries 

come from. 

Bermuda grass is not the only weed in my strawberry beds. I’m not a horticulturist, so my name for weeds is not extensive.  Luckily, you don’t need to know their names when you’re pulling them. Some weeds grow right under and into my strawberries.  That can be tricky.  Some weeds have an easy root system to pull out, but they take up massive surface area.  Some weeds have already gone to seed and run the risk of spreading their spores when pulled. 

Some weeds in my life can be idleness or procrastination.  These are easily pulled, but can take up a lot of surface area or time in my life.  The weeds of pride and self-sufficiency can often get caught up in the “fruit” of my life.  These can be trickier to pull and run the risk of damaging what I’ve worked hard to cultivate.

The weeds that go to seed before being addressed can manifest as hurt and frustration in my life.  If I’m not careful when uprooting them, they may spread to other parts of my life or into lives of other people.  Gossiping about people who have wronged me is a great way to spread those pesky weed seeds.

Tools

Gardening gloves is the first tool to come to mind. I don’t have a spiritual likeness, they’re just handy for saving a manicure.  No one wants to see dirty fingernails.  I also want my hands to stay soft for comforting my babies.  Oh wait! They could be like my spiritual armor, “For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.” (Ephesians 6:12 KJV) When I’m operating in the spiritual, leaning on Jesus for strength and protection, He fights for me. When I’m letting God fight my battles, my hands don’t get dirty.

A good hoe is a useful tool. The one I have has a pointy end and is really sharp. You can use one side of it to scrape up those annoying tiny weeds. The pointy tip can root out the larger ones.  In this analogy the Bible is the hoe. ”All scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the servant of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work." (2 Timothy 3:16)

Bounty from the garden.

Regular Maintenance

Regular maintenance is vital to any healthy garden or healthy life, even though it’s tedious and annoying at times. In the spirit of full disclosure, my garden beds can get pretty natty.  My prayer life can get pretty barren.  I’m so grateful that the Master Gardener of my life is patient.  He does not want me to be happy with the status quo. He wants me to live up to the potential He knows is in me. 

The same is true in all our lives.  It’s true that Jesus loves us so much He died for us, so that none would perish but have eternal life.  Too many people are happy to leave it at that.  To stay there requires nothing more from us; but, to have the abundant life He has planned for us requires a little work. We’re told over and over again to repent, or turn from, our sins. “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!”                       (2 Corinthians 5:17)

Pruning is also an important part of maintenance. Removing the dead ends allows for new growth. Moving across the country went beyond a pruning to a full transplant.  That was seven years ago. The growth that I’ve experienced has been exponential and I give Him the Glory for that. Verses in Ephesians 3:20-21 have been water to my soul, “Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us, to Him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever, Amen.”

May your gardens be fruitful and full of the Lord’s blessings.

Forty means it's time for a mammogram!

It’s been three months since my last blog post, almost four now.  It’s been four months since my last post.  A season has passed. Well, now I’m being dramatic. 

I turned 40.  4-0. It wasn’t as scary as I thought it would be when I was 25.  A moment of angst was felt as I had my first mammogram recently—or maybe that was discomfort as my boobies got squished. 

This is what 40 looks like on me.

How about “that” job?  Positioning breasts in machines and compressing them into painful pancakes! I asked the technician if much bothers or embarrasses her now.  She flashed me a smile as I quite literally peeled my breast off the machine.  The bonus of breastfeeding four children is that the tissue resembles the old ladies on Sponge Bob so they can handle a lot of smoosh.  UU

I was assured that I should get my results back in a week.  “Don’t be alarmed if you get called back for additional views.  It’s not uncommon when it’s your first.  There is nothing to compare the films against to know if what is seen is normal or not.”   Still, when you do get that voicemail to “call the radiologist’s office; we need to schedule additional views”, it can be a little unsettling to say the least.

Especially when you call back and the call drops—and a multitude of children are being children in your home (loud, boisterous, and energetic) and you finally make the appointment for tomorrow, and you try to keep calm because it’s not uncommon to get a call back.

Then when the pop up shelter falls apart in the backyard and your son decides to use a hammer to disassemble it instead of a wrench…I will be anxious for nothing!

Even when my children argue and call each other names adding to the chaos.  The older brother had to find ten verses in Poverbs explaining why our words are important; still I will be calm and rest in the truth: I can do all things with Christ who strengthens me.

Tomorrow came and my sweet neighbor popped over and I went to my appointment.  I remember before I left looking in the mirror and giving myself permission to freak out—to cry, to let it out.  My emotions were boiling over and they WANTED to burst out; but, there was a still calm that reminded me about my previous bout with pneumonia in January.  I was transferred to the ER from Urgent care and my blood pressure had shot up to 200+ over 100+. Then I was on a heart monitor and it said I missed a beat, twice. I spent almost two days in the ICU. Scary stuff on the outside, yet, on the inside, there was peace.  There was peace that no matter what happened, or where I would wake up, I KNEW Jesus had it covered, and that Truth ate up all the fear. 

I reminded myself in the mirror that since God handled that, He can handle this.  Even if x, y or z.  So—I chose not to let my emotions run me.  Happily, I managed to get all green lights on the way and even found a parking spot up front.  They did additional views on the right breast and an ultrasound on the left.   hs since my last blog post--well This time there was a lot more pressure. 

A radiologist was there to read the films and do the ultrasound.  I received the results right away: all was well on the right side—normal breast tissue.  The ultrasound revealed a tiny cluster of cysts—completely normal.  “Make sure you come back in a year for your screening,” and out the door I went. 

Talk about relief and joy!  I’m so glad I didn’t give in and indulge in that cry.  Praise God for the Peace that surpasses all understanding, and Praise Jesus for my husband and group of girlfriends who prayed me through.

Get your boobies smooshed when it’s time. Don’t be afraid of the “what if’s”. 

Know Jesus—Know Peace